Like this...

Some things I can no longer do alone...
Some songs I shall no longer hear...
Some things are gone but never forgotten...
Some of the most beautiful memories bring about nothing but pain.
Pain along with the memories that can be cast aside
but deep down below will never fade away.

Some people change and are no longer the person I used to know...
Blame is useless to pursue.
Don't destroy yourself. Be happy.
Not just u, but me.

Maybe now everything I do is but an annoyance.
I did nothing. Im just as not heartless.

A soldier no more

a-soldiers-cry will cease on 070907 ... no more silent tears from the soldier. cos he will no longer be one.
Some dreams come to and end.
Their dreams are our nightmare but someday we'll all wake up.

Sometimes different people dream of the same dreams...but in the dreams they play different roles...
Some people in their dreams live like tyrants and kings...
Some get caught in a nightmare and end up as slaves of those who dreamt of being kings...
But no matter how fcking powerful the tyrants are and how pathetically helpless the slaves are...
the situation is but a dream for one day we'll all wake up...

Burst the fcking bubbles of those who "Zi-High" and dream of being superior than others...cos when they wake up they'll find that they are the useless fools...they have nothing to hold on to and their desires become so strong they become fcking dreamers.
Wake up the poor folks who are suffering from the nightmare everynight for the past 18months of their lives. For in reality, we are the masters of our own lives.

Take me down if you can... for if im taken down so easily, im nothing but a fcking loser that they wished i was.

Resentment.
Ash

Jet - Look what you've done

Actually came across this song long ago, but never found out the title to download it.
Did so a few weeks ago...i like the sadness of the song.
The writer must be someone sad...who doesnt wanna let go of something... but yet is too tired of the sorrow that he has no choice...

The following lyrics are not the exact words..just from my faint memory...

Take my photo off the wall if it just wont sing for you...
Cos all thats left has gone away and theres nothing there for you to prove
Oh look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone...
Oh well it seems like such fun until you lose what you had won...

Give me back my point of view cos i just cant think for you...
I can hardly hear you say what do i do well you choose
Oh look what you've done you've made a fool of everyone
Oh seems like such fun until you lose what you've won..

my sketchy interpretation:

Just let me go if i can no longer make you smile
All the hope i have in our love has slowly begin to fade away and theres nothing else you need to do
don't you realise what you're doing so far is making a fool of the both of us
you'll only finally regret when u realise that the love we had is lost

I wanna think for myself again cos Im too tired of thinking for you.
You no longer ask me what should you do...oh well...you choose..
the way you're acting now is making a fool of the both of us
I hope it's been such fun for you until but its now its too late to realise what you've lost

Thats all for now! Pretty meaningful song to sing if u realised you're loving who somebody no longer loves you but isn't letting go for whatever reason...

Hope i'll never sing this song for you...

hah.

forgiveness is a hard thing. Im full of hatred. full of grudge. i try to forgive. but fcking no way. cos some people are fcking sick in the head and do not deserved forgiveness.
If there was a war. I'd shoot him in the balls... watch him bleed and wait for help and laugh my happiest laughter ever in my life. Probably after 30 mins when im bored laughing I'll shoot him in the head.
Some people are FUGLY so they need to go to the gym to make themselves feel better.
Some people make justify the use of vulgarities. for the fcking worst vulgarities used on him aint enough to pacify me.

Don't mess with me. I'll bring your career down into shambles.


On a lighter point of view, i caught the korean movie "daisy" on cable tv again.. probably the 3rd or 4th time i've seen this show but im still pretty fascinated.

The story is about an professional killer who secretly admires a girl in the daisy field in Amsterdam...she falls into the river one day while crossing a long tree trunk as a bridge...
The next day the lead character builds her a beautiful bridge so that she'd never fall into the river again.
The girl falls in love with the person who built her a bridge but doesnt know who he is...she leaves a painting on the bridge as a form of gratitude to the killer.
The killer follows the girl back to the city after she was done with her painting...and leaves a pot of daisy outside her apartment everyday...
One day, a policeman coincidentally patronizes the girl's face portrait stall and brings her a pot of daisy...She thinks that he is the one...and falls in love with the wrong man...

CB

some people deserve to die. not just die but burn in hell for fcking eternity after they die.
some people are so evil their whole family will suffer from karma. i hope his wife finds a gigolo and they fck like rabbits. and his son i hope he's stupid grows up to em3, takes drugs goes to normal tech and ITE and grow fat and stays a virgin for life.
What's his fcking problem deriving pleasure from my pain. KARMA is awaiting.
Fck off i'll never forgive that male bitch.

the unknown

who is there to support me..when im feeling low..
who will be by my side..
fade away..
I dont know what to say anymore
Nor what to do to bring things back
From i dont know when where or how i lost them.
wings are too wet and heavy to fly...

wont u think back and compare the happy moments we've spent?
think about what u really want..?

Tale of slavery part 3...

Thinking and thinking...
Nightfall came again...
It was a night of full moon. Not that it mattered to the brooding soldier for in the cell he never saw the light. All he could think of was how to get out, and the more he thought...the angrier he got...
His angry thoughts formed into words in his mind, and in ended up turning into a war cry.

"Open your eyes and see the light,
Wake up from your awful plight

Struggle free, flap your wings
Break away from their strings

Dare to fly, dare to dream
Swim against the river stream

Flex your muscles clench your fists
Feel no pain but feel the breeze

No room for losers No prize for fear
Raise your shield & trust your spear

Remember their faces, forget your tears
Hit the drums & break their ears"

After which...the soldier fell into slumber again.
A rude shock awaited him in the morning. Two burly butcher looking guards stood right in front of him.
"You...Slave...whats your name?", came out from the mouths of one of the burly over sized guards...accompanied by foul stinking breath.
The brooding soldier kept his silence..but not for long.

Tale of slavery part 2...

Previously on the tale of slavery...

Bravery of a spartan yet... ended like a fool...
Suddenly he began to have second thoughts...If he had wings of wax...would he be attempt to do the same and attempt to fly just based on that little glimpse of hope from the sky?

One dream lead to another...suddenly, every night he was dreaming of flying amidst the calm and blue beautiful sky...in his dreams the clouds started to move and form an image...and every night the image became clearer and clearer.
It was a picture of girl...a girl so beautiful yet filled with a tinge of sorrow on her face...

Sometimes dreams are irrational but when the same dreams occur too often...one would start to ponder if it meant anything. The brooding soldier suddenly got to it that he wanted to fly into the sky...he wanted to meet the girl that was up there for it seemed like his destiny...

But how was the brooding soldier about to do that?
Legend has it...When Icarus fell from the sky...his body was found by his father Daedalus and after burying his son, Daedalus took off his own pair of wings of wax and hung it up on his son's grave...
The death of his son was too much to take.. Daedalus never wanted to fly again.

The brooding soldier had a goal...firstly he had to break out of his cell and find out where Icarus was buried...He wanted to steal the wings of Daedalus hoping that the legend was indeed true..and thus he would finally be able to meet the girl in his dreams...
Thinking and thinking...
Nightfall came again...

To be continued...

post for fun...

havent been blogging for awhile...
blogging is for free people la! lol now busy liao no time to blog already
Anyway...dunno whats up with me recently, feel pretty indigested all the time.
eat abit full already...
And damn my hands, they have some minor shivering problem...i dunno what causes it.
Hope it gets well if i rest more.
I guess everyone knows i have a girlfriend now. For those who don't.. Now you know!!
Kinda tired now....shall go sleep.... goodnite people!

Tale of slavery part 1...

"I just wanna sleep and never awaken...nothing in this world can replace what they've taken."

They've taken away from him everything...
His smile...his talents... his opportunities...his friends and most of all they took away his freedom.
One free man became a slave and he almost never saw the sky again.
All he wanted to do was to sleep his time away...so that one day when he finally opens his eyes, the only thing he wanted to see was a free world.

Until one day...he was deep in his eternal slumber...while suddenly he was interrupted by a strange dream...
He dream of the great ancient times of the Greeks, Trojans and Spartans whereby men were warriors and people fought to be free men not slaves.
He dream of the tale of father and son, Daedaleus and Icarus who fabricated wings of feather and wax and flew and reached for freedom in the sky...but only to have Icarus fall to his death because when he flew... the sun melted his wings took down his right of life.

The fall shook the brooding soldier up from his slumber. He opened his eyes but he realised that he was still in his cell. However, he could not forget about his dream of Icarus...the boy who was brave enough to attempt to fly with the little weak wings he had...
Bravery of a spartan yet... ended like a fool...
Suddenly he began to have second thoughts...If he had wings of wax...would he be attempt to do the same and attempt to fly just based on that little glimpse of hope from the sky?

A reminder of the past...(guilt)

I was reading my own damn old blog which some of u might know...

and i just came across this entry... it started with


"I woke up early just because I wanted to be the first to message you in the morning...or is someone faster than me?"

A girl who once msged me at 5/6am in the morning when i was on way to work made my day...she was supposed to be sleeping...but she crazily woke up just to msg me...
Thinking about it. I feel like a bastard. Simply for not being able to love this girl who was den the nicest to me.
Im sure she doesnt read this...
I dont know how i've caused her hurt but for a long time shes deleted me from friendster and blocked my msn..
I could never find out why and tell her that im sorry.
Lol if my darling is reading this i know she wont be jealous cos she aint petty.

Loneliness

HMmmm how does a depressed outta love teen feel like? let me try to imagine...

"What is this tinge of loneliness that im suddenly feeling?
Cornering me, like a bully on a helpless kid...
Pushing me to the edge, till I almost slip...
My heart struggling to keep warm by forcing other happy thoughts...
But a struggle is still but a struggle...
I pretend to fill my heart with memories of you...
Only to find out the more I do...the emptier I feel...Without you...
The sky is grey, my heart is pale...
Without you...Im falling ill...
Living without u is my greatest fear...
For your are the only one worth my tear...
The brightest star has failed to light my sky...
The most beautiful rainbow has failed to catch my eye...
For the world i see is totally dark...but the bleeding of my heart..."

Composed by Ashton, copyright, patent, trademark, and under the protection of federal E-business law.

old poems

Poem 2, Imagination of a Helpless mute and handicap

Nobody understands how I feel…
So useless and so unreal…
Words are always spoken and forgotten…
Promises are always made and broken…Words are always taken for granted…
But for me a chance is never granted…
What a privilege the world does not see…
They see just a stupid and useless me…
To speak is forbidden by God…
And to work forbidden by Society...
I’m like a torn teddy abandoned by a child…
Just like a dull flower unnoticed in the wild…
Hope is dimming like a bulb…
And my heart the battery to this bulb…
Love is all I wished to have…
But sympathies are all I ever had.

Old poems

If She Loved Me…

If she loved me…the rain would stop…
If she didn’t…my heart would drop…
If she love me…the world becomes beautiful…
If she didn’t…I will just become pitiful…
If she loved me…my heart turns red and warm…
If she didn’t… my life is howling with callous storms…
If she loved me… I live like a king…
If she didn’t… I can’t even sing…
If she loved me… I will put in my everything…
If she didn’t… to begin, I didn’t have a thing…
If she loved me… you will see me smile…
If she didn’t… You’ll never find that in a thousand miles…
If she loved me… She’ll be all I ever needed…
If she didn’t… To be miserable, I’ve succeeded…

Hmm kinda lame poem I composed…what do u people think?


Happiness ?

Finally I shall give a shot on a happy poem.

Happiness brings a smile to our faces…
Makes us forget about unhappy places…
Derived from not me but you…
By the little meaningful things you do…
Happiness conceals ugly the traces…
Of our past that the shadow embraces…
Happiness appetizers our worldly desires…
And lights our vision with passionate fires…
A happy man is relieved of stress and tire…
Like a flying balloon free from strings and wire…
However, happiness does not appear simply…
For the path of searching is crooked and slippery…

Insanity

Insanity (By: MentalSoldier)


"when they drive u into a corner this is how you'll feel..." -Virginia Tech Shooter

Your eyes are for despise
Your words are for malice
Your strength is for your tyranny
Your think you are always right
Your hands are for your greed
Your skin is just too thick

Your actions make my blood boil
And your life I will deny

My eyes they hunt for you
My words are sent to kill
My strength is for the injustice
from the things you thought were right
My hands they lust your blood
And to tear your skin apart
Your reactions when you scream in pain
Brings me back my joy again


Erhhhh dunno why i thought of this angsty poem today... doesnt feel like me to be angsty

Icarus... If u had wings of wax...would u fly high and reach for the sky?

In the ancient Greek myths, there was this boy, Icarus whose father, Daedalus, was a famous artificer who created many new inventions and artifacts including the labyrinth of the dark minotaur king.
One day Daedalus lost favor of the minotaur king, and was den to be eternally locked up in a tower.
But Daedalus thought: "King minos may control the land and sea...but not the air...thus my escape shall be planned that way.
So he set to work to fabricate wings for himself and his young son Icarus.
He wrought feathers together, beginning with the smallest and adding larger, so as to form an increasing surface. The larger ones he secured with thread and the smaller with wax, and gave the whole a gentle curvature like the wings of a bird.

Finally when it was done, he had the same set of wings put on for Icarus but he warned him to follow him and not to fly too high...for the mighty sun would melt his wings and cause him to die.

Icarus...the ambitious and fearless boy... never ever felt such freedom soaring in the sky...the wind seemed to echo, asking Icarus to fly.
Icarus got carried away... he began wandering higher and higher like as if he lost his mind.
Finally the mighty sun took him... His wings began to soften and melt and as he fluttered...he realised that there were no longer and feathers that held him in the sky.

If you were a person who was given wings of wax...would you take the chance and reach for the sky?
Would you have the courage to rage your dreams...or would rather envy those who dare soar in the sky?


She's like the sky...
Im just the boy, Icarus, who'd love to spread his wings to reach for the sky...
Even though he doesn't know if his wings are strong enough or how far they could bring him, the sky is just too blue and beautiful for Icarus to ignore.
If he casts his wings aside, his dreams would forever be but a dream

Thus when i cast my wings and fly... darling... would i be the hero... or the fool that fell from the sky? ...


-Icarus

Song of Warcry 2

Continued from the previous post...

My friend "The Fool" the angsty man wrote the second part of my poem
for "The Song of Warcry"
Haha its good but i feel that it doesnt work together with the one i wrote
cos theres too much anger in his words.
Anyway here it is:

Take a stride, march forward
Strike your enemies where it hurts

String your arrows, arch your bow
Unleash your fury and let them know

Face your fears and blow the horn
Make them wish they were never born

Break the chains, tear the cage
Bring forth your unbridled rage

Taste the freedom smell the scent
Wonder not where the years went
After all this is what your life was meant

Song of Warcry

Today at level 4 i had nothing to do again.
den i suddenly thought of
This phrase
"struggle free, flap your wings
Break away from their strings"

K den heres the whole inspiration...!

Open your eyes and see the light
Wake up from your awful plight

Struggle free, flap your wings
Break away from their strings

Dare to fly, dare to dream
Swim against the river stream

Flex your muscles, clench your fists
Feel no pain but feel the breeze

No room for losers, no prize for fear
Raise your shield and trust your spear

Remember their faces, forget your tears
Hit the drums and break their ears


By Ashton

fabrications

I came across this sentence when i saw Angie online sometime ago...
Somehow suddenly it came across my mind again today...and i used it against a friend.
"When your fabrications crumble down...all thats left is nothing but your lies"
Act like everythings fine, whilst plotting to cause us distraught outta a sudden aint he.
I asked Adine if she thought the person who said the sentence was disappointed, hurt or angry. Haha and anger it is.

I am an angry man really. Why am i suffering this injustice?

Dont fear me, cos im kind and nice.
Fear my anger. Cos its really blind and has no eyes.

Come to think of it, was the Virginia tech shooter, friendly and nice b4 he got angry? LOL.

Plans not working

Trying to lose some fats...
was kinda successful but 2 buffets later. my plan totally backfired!
Resistance is soooooooooo hard..........
Kerrie used to say "resistance is futile, give in to temptations"
sounds so true now, wheres the solution kerrieeeee ?

I met someone equally slack as me. LOL
Lazy like garfield, likes to play games and watch anime!
Wears her watch on her right too!
I didnt think such a person of the opposite gender existed
haha nevertheless glad! ERrrhhh ure not reading this are u huns? =P

I am a nobody

I am a Nobody
(in a certain place (army) ... I am a Nobody)
Inspired by "The Fool", who composed the poem;
Are we all fools?

These eyes they look me up and down
But I am not the one they see
For I am but a nobody
But I wasn't meant to be

As I drifted by pass many
All they see are the wrongs and flaws of me
Oblivious to my blood and tears
Shed for reasons unrelated and unjust

These hearts they beat so fast with fury
But against my pain they feel no guilty
For I am but a nobody
But i wasn't meant to be

As I reached my hands for mercy
All these others ignoring me
Pretending not to hear my pleas
While trying not to seem like beasts

These voices they wound me with their words
And den they said this ain't the worst
For I am but a nobody
But i wasn't meant to be

Mama used to say to me
You're my pride & the world to me
Thats when i knew i was never nobody
For they're that ones who're meant to be

(Another ending line for thought:
Thats when I knew I was somebody
For nobody can ever be me.)

Composed by:
Ashton,
composing alias: Somebody

Are we all fools? By: The Fool

This is a poem about the ill treated lives of certain soldiers...
Composed by my camp mate...
I find it really full of anger and helplessness at the same time. Perfect finish!

I sit here in silence
Feeling upset and dejected
Like sheeps we are compliant
Like criminals scorned and objected

I stand here in silence
Feeling angst and revolted
Like martyrs I felt defiant
Like guns put on loaded

Sometimes I'd like to ponder
Why we do the things we do
For Pride and honour I wonder?
Or are we just a bunch of fools?

Unappreciated as we are
We take it in our stride
No heartfelt thanks or gestures
Guess we'll swallow all our pride

Treated like a workhorse
We deserved more than this
Yet unreasonable and coarse
They treat us when they're pissed

Oh why endured such unjust
When its promotion that they lust
Like tools for their future
Them savage wild creatures

So take your time and ponder
Why we do the things we do
For Pride and honour i wonder?
Or are we just a bunch of fools?

Credits: The Fool

shes married

Aida-chan got married! haven seen her in 2 years.
Those were the days. Nostalgia

Chinese New Year!

Its chinese new yr!!!! Hope its a DA FEI NIAN! But i wont be Fei!!
Not the luckiest this year but nonetheless nobody is unlucky!
Mounting On Chinese Chu 1 !!! missed out the visiting of my father's side relatives!
BOooooooooooooooooooo
Mounting in camp slack la, watch DVD eat pizza
Watched prison break s2 , John Abruzzi died cos he wanted revenge.
Micheal Scofield's in trouble cos now theres someone as intelligent as him who can make use of Scofield's tattoo to predict his moves.
I think i ate too much pizza on Chu 1. plus last sat gymy irritating splash the rainwater on me.
Now its flu + sorethroat ....probably fever again!
Hhaahaaha thats lucky if i get any MCs. Blessing in disguise
Today went to Hong Yi's House.
Played Black Jack! Didnt win a thing despite being banker for awhile!
Won abit at a point of time , but once become banker lost $$$ liao
Char is the ultimate winner, i think she rubs off my luck when she sits besides me .. haahaha
Anyway losing is no big deal, cos Andy lau says as long as u smile and have gambling etiquette
someday the luck will come back to u!
Hello luck? Are u coming to me soon?

ZooOoo

Guess what? i went to the zoO! with this girl who lost a bet with me, about there not being a bus 58 below her very block! =P
Strangely, i didnt speak a single word to her on 2 occasions where i seen her in the past but this time i did at Angie's party. Guess i was pretty antisocial back den wasnt I..?

Anyway the zoo was fun! I hadnt visited it for more than 10 years really! and she told me "ah meng" had died. hmmm didnt know that eh? well now that we're adults, i actually feel that the zoo isnt such a big place at all, if u wanted to walk around without really observing the animals for ages...perhaps it can be covered in 3 hours by foot?
Saw the white tigers, lotsa monkeys and this elephant show...Hmm elephants are like slow and clumsy, not too entertaining really...but they're pretty smart! (ps. 60% of the dung can be made into a recycled scrapbook.. hahhaa)
Marie was frightened by a lil lizard. lol
.saw this animal show thing written on the brochure 430... was sitting there looking at the zoo people chasing after an invisible "hog/hawk" for a dumb 15mins! ended up being a rehearsal.
Den there was a seal who wasnt so cooperative that day...
Rained a lil but nevertheless had a purple umbrella..
Zoo's still fun , but somehow the childlike excitement we all had during our lil school days were no longer there. Thats aging for me.
Till another day...!
Ashton

FEver

Seems like im always having fever, maybe my immune system is weak.
3rd day of fever now, doesnt seem to be recovering at all.
Fever = MC, at least something good. lol

Thoughts

Rich people never have to worry eh?
Not about school fees, pocket money, career, girlfriends cars and all

When ORD draws closer (not too close though)
I suddenly come to think, what the hell am i gonna do after ORD?
Just work earning like 1700 a month?
1700 is barely survivable in times of the present.
$$$$ starts to be a worry
Age starts to be a worry
Freaking NS has disrupted my plans for study.
22 this year and not even in the Uni.
Ladies at 22 have already graduated eh?!

Could Disrupt my NS and enrol in the 07 Aug batch
But entering school without Income, Suicide eh??
Teaching tuition is no way man. seriously dun remember anything i learnt in the school now.
Work part time? its like UNI is in the Westside? way outta point from where i live.
how am i paying the school fees and hostel?
Yeaa ur parents probably would and could. mine maybe not.
Its like no $$$$$ erh
If i work for a year and enter uni at 23,
Aint i an old freak in the lecture theatre? LoL

$$$$$
Aging sure has its own worries. Have u? or are u born blessed with wealth?

Castaway

07 regards

07 Finally, another checkpoint of my NS life marked off the map.
I love checkpoints, they make everything seem shorter...just have to look forward to the upcoming checkpoint and bling! there already.
Seems like my ORD date has been brought forward by a great amount of 2 whole Days!!! which is 48blessed and defying hours!!! Hhaha thats due to the fact that 9 september is a SUNDAY.

My life has been defiled by this corrupted thing also known as NS liability. Im like oooohhh since when i owe the country? my mum pays for everything i used didnt she? maybe my dad. Since when did i get anything FREEEEEEEEE from this country?? and suddenly i owe 2 years of my life to em eh? Luckily rite now im only "owing" a 7 working months of debt.

Anyway 07 should be great. Time to vindicate myself, pay me back some liberty!
BMT was great actually, so was SOP (MP training institute). they all somehow made me fitter, and friends there were selfless and helpful, cos we all just NSFs with equal liabilities.
Come to this new base (which i shant mention where incase i get charged for speaking ill about this place which they(the generously paid regulars) think is great) everyone for themselves. Seniors wanna slack and give the juniors some extra work, juniors wanna slack, nobody wants to work, the regulars mostly are not productive but get promoted bcos they have served the required amount of time.
Nobody cares about the 7 hours of sleep youre not getting
Nobody cares about the days u have to come during public holidays
Nobody cares whether u're sick or not, and if ure sick u have to ask permission from a cold heartless regular who shows u attitude when u say ure sick.
Nobody cares if the rations we eat are fit for consumption.
Nobody cares if u do the same training everyweek or if u have to stay in camp without prior notice

But life isnt so bad. Cos its not all about camp. I think of myself as parttime soldier, FULL time civilian.
I saw my SOP(MP) friends who came for a parade. They still look fit and tanned.
I shoulda still look like them. Just that for no apparent reason, somebody hates the no. 369 and me being bed 9 got abandoned into a thrashy dumpy camp.
Abandoned so long, that i abandoned myself without knowing!
I Cant run anymore. Im like a breathless dog!!
And im lazy, and my character has been corrupted by this dark place!
Me full of hatred and wrath! ahahaha

Kk so the bottomline is 2007, its time to change
I lost myself, now its time to find the OLD ME BACK.
Time to keep fit again.
Time to become a better character
Time to forgive and remove grudges
Time to smile and help everyone
Time not to be selfish
Time to get rid of bad habits
Time to think that the world is not about beautiful girls
Before I ORD i must become a better man for the REAL outside life!
CIVILIAN WORLD DESERVES A BETTER ME!!

I heard a phase somewhere online
it says
"work like a worm in the army, but with essence of a dragon in life"
I translated it myself
It was actually
"dang bing yi diao chong, zhuo gong yi diao long"
Army a worm, working life a dragon